'Spring Hill Voice' can today exclusively reveal that the Gold Coast is set to become the venue for the 2018 Commonwealth Games.
This of course has nothing to do with the predicted decline of the U.S. dollar in the same year.
The Chief Blighty is flying to Delhi to pledge her allegiance to the crown.
"The Gold Coast is definitely up to the task," she said.
The Gold Coast Commonwealth Games will feature events such as coal lump throwing, competing with private health companies and insurers in niche cancer markets, the tilting at wind turbines scavenger hunt, and the yummy mummy 4wd drop off the kids at the exclusive private school classic.
The "Coal-Put" is tipped to be hotly contested between Australia and the US.
This event rewards the shortestsighted for inabilty to predict prices for coal. Queensland is the favourite. One contestant, Blighty, is reported to have the power to hurl dark matter at anyone who looks like they could possibly offer the citizens any hope of an alternative to her ubiquitous reign.
"Follow the money," said an uninformed source close to the source of this report.
Endurance events such as the "sit-on-the-kerb-waiting-at-the-bus-stop-because-there-is-no seat- or-shelter", will showcase the best world class public transport the Gold Coast has to offer.
Getting shot at short range whilst working for minimum wages at a "Mc" or "Subway" outlet at Labrador by some hopeless desperado, will be the highlight event. Just getting shot during the course of some petty crime gone wrong will probably not qualify contestants for competion.
The free-style Taze, which involves getting "Tazed" by Queensland Police, while answering questions is proposed as an exhibition event at the 2018 Gold Coast Commonwealth Games.
